NEW DEMOCRATIC STRATEGY: BOW EVEN LOWER
House Representative David Spineless proudly unveiled the Democratic Party’s new strategy for the coming Trump years this morning to roaring applause. Under the motto "Don’t flex, be flexible," a series of exercises were introduced to promote relaxation across the political landscape. The focus isn’t so much on actual policy but rather on adjusting attitudes toward it.
MEXICO IMPOSES ENTRY BAN ON U.S. REFUGEES
As the influx of American refugees fleeing worsening poverty continues to rise, the Mexican Congress has introduced a bill to prohibit the entry of individuals deemed “mentally deficient.” While the bill does not explicitly name U.S. citizens, given current migration patterns, its intended target is hard to miss.
DEMOCRATS: "TEHRE WAS A BETTER GAZA DEAL"
Following the recent announcement of Donald and Bibi’s Gaza Bay Resort, we reached out to the Democrats for their thoughts. Do they see this shift in Middle Eastern policy as a disaster?
We spoke with Democratic strategy expert Amanda Bloodlust.
LET'S GO TO PARADISE – A GAZA SUCCESS STORY
After decades of bloody conflict between Israel and Palestine, a spectacular resolution to this rather tiresome situation is finally in sight. The Trump administration has apparently realized that neither side is willing to back down. So why keep beating around the bush when you can simply pick a side? In a characteristically efficient and no-nonsense move, it has now been decided to remove the remaining 1.8 million surviving Palestinians—those who have thus far managed to dodge Israeli bombs and bullets.
MORE FREEDOM THAN EVER BEFORE!
America, land of the free. To finally live up to that promise again, the Trump administration is in the process of clearing out all those stubborn, pesky bureaucrats who have made our lives so miserable.
And who better to lead this charge than a man who knows firsthand just how liberating it is to bypass red tape and ignore so-called “experts”? Enter Elon Musk, whose unparalleled intellect has led him to a truly innovative approach: instead of bribing officials one by one …
TRUMP’S SECRET PLAN FOR A SUSTAINABLE ECONOMY
Since Trump officially crowned himself President of the United States just over a week ago, the entire world has been in an uproar over the sweeping and rigorous decisions made by the new administration. What may look from the outside like chaos and impulsive, testosterone-fueled power plays is, in reality, the beginning of a sophisticated and progressive policy agenda.