MORE FREEDOM THAN EVER BEFORE!

Elon up there doning the—“roman empire salute“

America, land of the free. To finally live up to that promise again, the Trump administration is in the process of clearing out all those stubborn, pesky bureaucrats who have made our lives so miserable.

And who better to lead this charge than a man who knows firsthand just how liberating it is to bypass red tape and ignore so-called “experts”? Enter Elon Musk, whose unparalleled intellect has led him to a truly innovative approach: instead of bribing officials one by one, he has realized how much more cost-efficient it is to simply withhold their salaries and eliminate their jobs altogether. All it took? A single donation to Donald Trump’s campaign—now that’s efficiency!

Sure, a quarter of a billion dollars might sound like a lot at first, but with an estimated net worth of $421.6 billion, that’s just about 0.06% of Musk’s fortune—not a bad deal, wouldn’t you say? Even better: since Musk’s newly founded agency DOGE isn’t an official government body, it doesn’t require any additional government funding—brilliant.

Now that a fresh breeze is sweeping through federal agencies, all concerns—along with the grumpy bureaucrats—have been blown away. Take the Treasury Department, where a handpicked team of Silly Con Valley nerds has gained instant access to personal and financial data from American taxpayers. They're enthusiastically connecting their hard drives to every government computer they can find.

But Musk’s efficiency doesn’t stop there. At the same time, he and his agency DOGE have secured direct access to nearly $6 trillion in payouts for programs like Social Security and government salaries.

Naturally, there are no official rules or regulations governing these operations—because outside interference in many agencies is strictly prohibited for security reasons. But this is where Musk’s unique, outside-the-box (and outside-the-law) genius truly shines: Who needs permission when you have the means?