LET'S GO TO PARADISE – A GAZA SUCCESS STORY

“… The Riviera of the Middle East”

After decades of bloody conflict between Israel and Palestine, a spectacular resolution to this rather tiresome situation is finally in sight. The Trump administration has apparently realized that neither side is willing to back down. So why keep beating around the bush when you can simply pick a side? In a characteristically efficient and no-nonsense move, it has now been decided to remove the remaining 1.8 million surviving Palestinians—those who have thus far managed to dodge Israeli bombs and bullets.

Gaza, according to this grand vision, will be transformed into a flourishing paradise, a destination for leisure and relaxation. "The Riviera of the Middle East," as Trump put it—a true paradise on Earth. Just as God must have intended when He placed the world's three great religions in one convenient war zone, tourists will soon be sipping colorful cocktails under the Mediterranean sun.

Of course, a thorough cleanup is essential. The rubble of hospitals, schools, and the scattered bones of tens of thousands of civilians could be something of a buzzkill for future vacationers. In a press conference alongside Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, Trump also suggested that Palestinians should simply move to Egypt or any other country that cares about humanity—apparently, there are plenty of those. Classic Trump.

The newly re-elected president has been raving about Gaza’s unmatched real estate potential for months, inspired by the ever-changing skyline of smoke and destruction. Now, with the first ceremonial shovels breaking ground—not just for luxury resorts but also for mass graves—the glorious future is officially underway.

Future conflicts? Hardly a concern. According to Trump’s calculations, the global Muslim community will be relieved to see this long-standing nuisance finally taken off the table.