NEW DEMOCRATIC STRATEGY: BOW EVEN LOWER

Don’t flex, be flexible

House Representative David Spineless proudly unveiled the Democratic Party’s new strategy for the coming Trump years this morning to roaring applause. Under the motto "Don’t flex, be flexible," a series of exercises were introduced to promote relaxation across the political landscape. The focus isn’t so much on actual policy but rather on adjusting attitudes toward it.

The Yes Oligarchy program—better known as YOga—aims to help Democrats bow even deeper before the new administration than ever before. "In the spirit of democracy and compromise, we will do whatever it takes…" said Spineless, before putting words into action and demonstrating, live on stage, how to fuck himself in the ass.